So you want to know my story?

Sometimes in the midst of the chaos that is my life, I forget what I have been brought through. I take a look at this girl

Toddling around happy as a clam, and I almost forget that 16 months ago, I almost lost her. I lived a whole nine months in fear of that very thing. What if God took her too? Would I be able to with stand that? Would I possibly be able to believe in a loving God if he took her?

I've wrote about this before last year in detail, but I will say it again. God could have given me an easy pregnancy and delivery but he chose to teach me who he is through her. I am clinging onto the crazy, traumatic, beautiful memory of that ambulance ride where he whispered Psalm 23 to me over and over again, while I was still yet unsure whether Katelyn was still with me, I knew God was, and he was never going to leave me. Even with my doubts, fears, bitterness, anger, and apathy, he was holding on to me. He was peace to me in the midst of chaos. He was life to me quite literally in the valley of the shadow of death. He was. He is.

How quickly it can all fade into the back of your mind. It is a constant struggle to remember his goodness, yet there is evidence toddling around me everyday. Giving me kisses, hugs, and giggles. His goodness doesn't always lie with what he has given, but it also lies in what he has taken away. It is good to know this world is not my home. It is good to be stripped of your comfort zone, it is good to wait.

I needed to be reminded of that. I wrote this song tonight while I was remembering. It's about my thoughts and fears during my entire pregnancy with Katelyn all the way to her delivery. I love how I can use scripture as a testimony in my life.

I am A Sheep , Lyrics and music by April Frahm

I am a sheep who has gone astray, who has gone astray x2

They say you are a gentle Shepard and I will not want, oh I will not want

you will lead me to pastures green

and lay me down by the quiet stream

But oh, do you know, that I am walking through the shadows

Oh do you know that I am walking through the shadows of a valley dark and deep?

I need a Shepard who will comfort me

oh please comfort me

Take your staff and direct my path, oh direct my path

They say you are a gentle Shepard

Who will anoint me and make my cup overflow

and you lead me to my enemies and you make me stand holding your hand

oh do but do you know I am walking through the shadows

oh do you know I am walking through the shadows of a valley dark and deep

Oh surely goodness will follow me

Oh surely goodness follow me

and I will not fear

I am a sheep who has gone astray

but I will not fear, for you are near...